Humans unconsciously address 6 human needs when engaged in the pursuit of seeking a relationship with a life-mate, (be it temporary or permanent) and these needs are the driving force behind the decisions they ultimately make.
They are as follows:
CERTAINTY: The need to feel comfortable and avoid pain, emotionally and psychologically.
VARIETY: The need for novelty. The ability to change, physical, mental and emotional states.
SIGNIFICANCE: The need to feel special, needed and wanted or worthy of attention.
CONNECTION: The need to find ways to connect to another or self.
GROWTH AND CONTRIBUTION: Needs of the spirit.
FACTORS FOR SELECTION:
Factors that people use when selecting a mate:
Physical Proximity
Chemistry
Comfort of keeping the relationship together.
Commitment factors.
THREE PHASES OF A RELATIONSHIP
PHASE I – Selfish
Getting own needs met without regard for the other person’s needs.
In this phase the parties are not stakeholders, and are exploring for evidence of the Human needs in the other partner.
PHASE II – Fair Exchange.
You let me pursue mine, I let you pursue yours.
During this phase, some levels of trust are beginning to develop and each partner is still operating on an independent level, while observing and collecting data that align with the human needs.
PHASE III –Giving
Giving to each other unconditionally before any thought of receiving.
During this phase there is a significant level of trust where the parties are willing to be vulnerable with each other. Their ‘guards’ are down and each party is willing to share, give and reciprocate in ways that benefit each other, without keeping count of costs borne by each individual, who is vested in having a successful union.
Concepts courtesy of Robbins/Madanes Training Center.
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