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Romance in Marriage

What Do women need in a romantic  marriage relationship/

After the wedding, takes place couples continue to have very real needs for intimacy and romance, as they become students of their spouse.

Here are some of the answers gleaned from  a majority of women who answered a survey about what ‘s important  for them to have from their spouses in order for the romantic fires to continue burning brightly  in the marriage:

 They need to feel secure

They  need to feel accepted

They need time to connect with their spouse.

They need  time to get to know each other, this is key in a real relationship.

They need attention and focus

They need to be held without having sex.

They need romance.

Similar questions were asked of the spouses and they gave the following list

of what they needed from their spouses to achieve a similar goal:

They need respect

They  need their spouse to make romance a priority.

They need to feel sexually needed by their wives.The wife  should occasionally initiate love making.

They need their wives to be sexually affirmative and acknowledge when he excels sexually.

They need time and focus from their wives,

They need adventure, surprise ,intrigue, playfulness.

Marriage should be seen not as a sprint but a marathon,

so adjust your expectation, and manage the Killers of  Romantic Fire:

Neglect, Exhaustion, Stress and Children.

Lynette Laveau Saxe

Certified Success Coach

The Laveau Look Coaching Services

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Spiritual Relationships

 There are many facets to our being:

Spiritual,Physical, Emotional, and Psychological.They each enable us to connect in different ways to other human beings and to our creator, God. 

Because we are  corporeal as well as Spiritual beings,we are able to have a relationship to God  which should be our first priority.

The other facets allow us to live our purpose here on earth and to carry out our God ordained purpose.

“Everything you believe  to be true about yourself, got you to where you are today”… Wayne Dyer

1.Practice letting go of attachments.

2.Forget about reputation, accumulation, competition. Be independent of the opinions of others.

3 We are valuable beyond our accomplishments.

4. Rid yourself of EGO ( Edging God Out).

3. Surrender and be connected to the Creator.

4. If there is no place that God is not, then it stands to follow that God is    

     also in me as well as  in every person whom I should  meet.

5.  Be intentional about loving God in the people whom we meet.

Lynette Laveau SAxe

Certified Success Coach

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Self Acceptance

The Value of Self-Acceptance in Relationships.

In our quest for acceptance and validation by others in interpersonal relationships our first  task is to achieve the inner work of  self acceptance. Many people confuse this with Self Esteem.

Self Esteem: When fully realized, self-esteem is manifest through confidence  in our ability to think clearly, and cope with  basic challenges of life without feeling like a failure. It is also evident through  the feelings  of worthiness, ease and ability to assert one’s needs, wants and pursuit of achieving and maintaining one’s values as well as enjoying  and celebrating the fruits of our efforts without any feelings of intimidation.

Self Acceptance : The achievement of Self Esteem is experienced  over time and attained by the practice of Self Acceptance.

We have to be “on our own side’ (an ally) instead of being against( an adversary to) ourselves, if we are to  successfully practice and achieve the self -celebration that bolsters self-esteem.

This is not to be confused with selfishness or narcissism, which is the over compensation for the basic lack of  self-love. Such a person loves neither himself nor others.”…John Powell

 Behavioral Symptoms which appear in persons who have not learned to love and esteem themselves:

Exaggerating or Bragging                           A Critical Attitude

Rationalization                                                Perfectionism

Shyness                                                               Self-deprecation

Anger                                                                   Defensive Docility

Becoming a Loner                                           Over-Achieving

Masks: Roles,Facades                                    Introjection

Absolute Agreeability                                   Cynicism and Suspicion

Timidity  

Once our  self-esteem is at an acceptably high level, our participation in inter-personal relationships score a high ‘water-mark’ level  and we are able to draw to us individuals who resonate with the positive vibrations that we exude. 

“To trust one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of Self Esteem”…..Nathaniel Branden

Lynette laveau Saxe

Success Coach

www.laveaulookcoaching.com

http://www.ultimatenlp.com/?afl=90637

 

 

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Peer/Social Relationships

How and why Bullying exists.

Respect: “A word that is often thrown about very loosely, as much as it is often used very strongly, is a very important concept in life. Everyone desires rspect; however we do not always show it and sometimes we do not receive it”.

……..Niyi Taiwo -Creator of EKTIMIS, Author of “Top Ten Laws of Respect” book series, Speaker.  www.ektimis.com

 Early in life a child recognizes that respect is a powerful tool in the forging and strengthening of bonds in the family , peer groups and the world at large.

 When the foundational skills and principles of  building self respect are absent,  due to toxic environments of abuse, neglect and abandonment,psychological damage to the individual results. This is usually manifest in  behavior called ‘Bullying’  as the individual seeks to gain control by being forceful, demanding and sometimes violent (verbally and physically) as they model and replicate the toxic behaviors they have experienced and witnessed early in life.

The child is seeking self respect and peer respect in a toxic manner.Consequently he or she becomes isolated rather than bonded with peers or family members as they try to deal with the pain of lacking self worth.The child seeks to be empowered through a series of behaviors that go against  successful respect  of self and relationship building with others.

 Twitter Message to Lady Gaga, an ambassador against Bullying.

@Datelinenbc Breeding compassion in the student body is the way toward saving lives, both sides. This message is key. Empower kindness.

Lynette Laveau Saxe

Certified Success Coach

www.LaveauLookCoaching.com

 

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Romantic Relationships

Love

‘Love is a many splendored thing’ goes the line of an old song.

‘Love : The ability and willingness to allow those whom you care for, to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistance that they satisfy you”……….Wayne Dyer- Self Help Advocate.Author, Speaker

Love is not a feeling but a commitment. Feelings come and go, peak and fall.

Consistently having ‘feelings of Love’ toward someone  is not the way humans interact and behave”.  People’s feelings wax and wane depending on the actions of others and external  internal circumstances.  So feelings are not to be  trusted or depended upon for sustained love connections. What we feel when we say we are ‘in love’ actually amounts to lust’ and even those feelings are short lived and unsustainable over a period of time. But when one makes a commitment to love someone,  the consistency of our love  is not affected by our feelings, but by our familiarity, trust and  our commitment and willingness to love that person even  during times when they are unlovable.

It is then we say that we have a ‘loving connection’  with someone which is based on a  sustained friendship, trust, acceptance and willingness to be vulnerable to the other  person, despite their shortcomings and imperfections. 

What are the Words for Love?

  1. Eros, which is sexual or romantic love.
  2. Phileo, which is a brotherly love toward someone we really like.
  3. Storgay, which is the love of one’s relatives.
  4. Agape, which is the deepest love,  is based on doing good for  another person.

            ‘Agape’  is the highest form of Love.

            It means ‘seeking the highest good for the other person, without 

             seeking any material  reward in return”. This is the love that God has for

             mankind and this model of Love alleviates stress and builds dynamic 

             loving  relationships.

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6 Human Needs

Humans unconsciously address 6 human needs  when  engaged in the pursuit of seeking a relationship with a life-mate, (be it temporary or permanent) and these needs are the driving force behind the decisions they ultimately make.  

They are as follows: 

CERTAINTY: The need to feel comfortable and avoid pain, emotionally and psychologically.

VARIETY:  The need for novelty. The ability to change, physical, mental and emotional states.

SIGNIFICANCE: The need to feel special, needed and wanted or worthy of attention.

CONNECTION: The need to find ways to connect to another or self.

GROWTH  AND  CONTRIBUTION: Needs of the spirit.

FACTORS FOR SELECTION:

Factors that people use when selecting  a mate:

Physical Proximity

Chemistry

Comfort of keeping the relationship together.

Commitment factors.

THREE PHASES OF A RELATIONSHIP

PHASE   I – Selfish

Getting own needs met without regard for the other person’s needs.

In this phase the parties are not stakeholders, and are exploring for evidence of the Human needs in the other partner.

PHASE II –  Fair Exchange

You let me pursue mine, I let you pursue yours.

During this phase, some levels of trust are beginning to develop and each partner is still operating on an independent level, while observing and collecting data that align with the human needs.

PHASE III –Giving

Giving to each other unconditionally  before  any thought of receiving.

During this phase there is a significant level of trust where the parties are willing to be vulnerable with each other. Their  ‘guards’ are down and each party is willing to share, give and reciprocate in ways that benefit each other, without  keeping count of  costs borne by each individual, who is vested in  having a successful union.

Concepts courtesy of Robbins/Madanes Training Center.

 

 

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Creating a Positive Mind-set

Whatever it is that you want, be it  better relationship within the family, money, or friendship , it is already created for you and available totally to you.

In order to accept this as fact, you need to do the following.

Start by shifting your mental attitude from negative to positive, from blocked to open,removing all obstacles that bring bliss into your life.

This can be done by attuning your body to create an easy flow of positive currents through the vibrations that  encompass our bodies.These neurological activities begin in the brain,and can be manipulated through Neuro Linguistic Programming,(NLP) an effortless  and learnable process by which you rewire the mind using the language of the brain, to change almost any area of your life. 

NLP enables the neuro patterns of the brain to mysteriously transform their patterns. This sets up a chain of occurrences  in the subconscious level that begin to attract to you what you need to accomplish your stated goal.

Having a healthy balanced diet, lots of sleep, adequate exercise and existence in an environment that supports positive thinking, also helps to stabilize us into a healthy regimen and sense of well being for accomplishing the aforementioned goals.

In a pretty quick way, through the governance of our  conscious thought patterns we can turn things around in our favor,  so that we begin to attract  into our lives, desirable circumstances and people which align with our desires and thoughts.

Immediately the subconscious mind, works to align reality with  that which we were intentional about visualizing and entertaining in our conscious thoughts, with positive expectations.

The smallest iota of doubt or negative thinking also known as ‘stinking thinking’ in relation to the outcome undermines the process.

Through faith expectaion and a positive mind-set, we  attract and ‘Will’ the desired occurrences, to come into  our lives.

Having a positive mind-set is  the essence and core of building great relationships.

Lynette Laveau Saxe,

Host of Callalloo Express Radio Show on  Relationships.

CCTV -WCCR Cambridge, Every Monday 12:00pm – 2:00pm

Host of The Callalloo Express TV show, every Monday 6:30 pm – 7:00pm

http://www.google.com/sites/callallooexpress

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Peer/Social Relationships

8 Relationships Tips

1.   Put the Other Person First.

      Connect and build trust. Commit time on your agenda to sharing with them.

       Share information that would benefit the other person’s life.

       Self centeredness serves only one person in a relationship, and leads to

       isolation of the parties involved from each other.

2.   Reach Out and Connect.

      If building a relationship is your first priority, dedicate one-on-one 

      time, exploring what is important to the other person.Practice behaviors

      that are conducive to connecting and sharing  rather than isolating.

3.    Be More Curious.

       Show interest in others. Share your interests and history.Don’t be a

        mystery.

4.     Uncover Shared Values and Interests.

        Look for the clues they’re everywhere.  Observe what they read, movies

        they like, magazines they read, favorite cuisine,photos, style of clothing 

        favorite past times, hobbies and so on. Ask about what you observe with

        discretion. Become their ‘student’ within reason.

5.     Be more Open and Vulnerable. Discuss What you do  and don’t

         do well.

          Vulnerability shows honesty and builds trust.

6.      Ask Questions that Build Trust.

     e.g   I Was born in_____. Are you originally from here?

     e.g    My spouse is a ____and your husband/wife?

     e.g   My son/daughter is_____and is a _____. How about yours?

     e.g.  What community interests do you or your spouse have?

    e.g    I’ve been with _____org/temple/church  for_____years. And you?

7.   Listen. Really Listen. 

        Talk only about 40% of the time

        This practice prevents you from asking overly personal

        questions.The protocol of discretion and respect for privacy is to be 

        observed at  all times.

        Discretion ,Respect and Patience, lead to Trust and ease of the other

         person in your presence.

        This prompts revelation of personal and sometimes  intimate details  in a

        short time , wthout  any prompting by you. 

        By listening,observing  and asking only relevant questions you are

        able to relate and connect, based on facts and information revealed 

        through your inspiring the other person to be similarly

       vulnerable.

8.    Stay Connected.

         Show you care. Take time to process what they are saying. Embellish

         their response  by sharing  your thoughts and experiences.

 

Lynette Laveau Saxe

Success Coach

Host/Producer of Callalloo Express Radio Show on’ Relationships’

Every Monday  12:00pm – 2:00pm

CCTV-WCCR Cambridge

 

 

 

 

 

 

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