Creating Dynamic Relationships

Relationships :one of the most powerful human motivators.

“A relationship is a series of positive emotional connections between two people that produce trust. It has little to do with friendship;

it has everything to do with trust. Trust creates predictability in people.These components  foster and engender trust.

People decide emotionally, and justify logically”….Marshall Howard( Business Relationship Expert).

The power of the individual builds Dynamic Relationships, which are not ready made but are nurtured.

This power is enhanced by  the individual’s ongoing diligence of mastering  self love. This then enables the reaching out to others with a similar type

of selfless giving, nurturing and esteeming of others.

The individuals in the relationships take responsibility for  connecting with others through the governance of their emotions and actions while putting the other person’s needs first and esteeming their traits, attributes and accomplishments.

In any type of relationship,the goal is to connect with the other person first.

Building relationships  in business is a genuinely heartwarming and organic process that allows you to connect first without  asking for anything.

People may forget what you say or what you do, they will never forget how you made them feel…

This is the essence of forging and creating Dynamic relationships.

Troubled Friendships

Most individuals form friendships that they intend  or expect to last. But it takes work, commitment and mutual respect to build and maintain relationships of any kind.Initially the encounters are harmonious whether they occur for business , social or romantic involvement.

In the discovery stage, each person finds out about the other, while simultaneously displaying  of conciliation, patience, tolerance and understanding and other positive traits.

Each individual  respects the other’s boundaries,  as they observe, study and note each other’s  behavior i.e. faith, humor, friend and family connections and so on.

In romantic relationships, the friendship building begins while the euphoric stage is being experienced, followed by the real work of ‘friendship building’, if the two individuals are new acquaintances to each other.

In business relationships friendships most often precede the business liaison. It is in this setting where occasional  hurt feelings and unmet expectations are often ignored and swept under the rug in deference to ‘doing business‘. The offended individual is often asked to toughen up if the offender is unwilling to address issues related to disrespect.

Disregard for the affront, or related issues ,which erode the promoting of better harmony,can damage the friendship/relationship, as respect is trampled and feelings of hurt, frustration, insignificance and fear, undermine the morale of the individual who feels wronged,abused, or even bullied.

Repairing a troubled friendship, requires  1.Honesty 2.Humility to admit our faults 3.Efforts to address and fix the problem 4.  Commitment to time for listening.

The reward is a renewed connection with a valued companion , friend or business associate.

The process of saving a friendship begins when you  acknowledge  that damage has been done. When one party is able to reveal or admit:

‘I feel something is not right in our relationship. I’d like for us to find and fix the problem”.

Working on this assessment together is key.Looking for how the conflict began, what has fed it,where the misunderstanding lurks and so on.

When the problem is recognized and revealed,take responsibility for your part in it. “I’m sorry” shows your love and commitment to  sustaining and maintaining the friendship.

Be reminded that an essential aspect of apologizing, is refraining from justifying wrong actions, dredging up old offenses or blaming someone else.

After the troubleshooting work, request for specific action, that both parties can commit to in  repairing the friendship, and strengthening the weak areas identified.An occasional”How am I doing?” signals commitment to awareness building and respect from the offending party, or both.

The preventive steps of exhibiting  love ,respect, compassion and consideration on a daily basis, rather than having to do damage control, is Foresight rather than than Hindsight.

Christ died on the cross for atonement  of all our sins, we don’t get to crucify others again for any sins.We get a chance to celebrate that act by loving others, like he did for each of us.

It is better to be where you are celebrated rather  than tolerated.

Defining Happiness

 

Happiness is a personal feeling that some people explain as contentment, an absence of hurt or frustration, extended euphoria, good health and feelings, set goals accomplished, successful outcomes, debts paid off, presence of abundance, confirmed prospects of unending supply,even a growing bank account, and above all a  relationship with God and secure relationship with an attentive partner or spouse.

A person’s sense of Happiness is ensured by and depends on the continued state of the conditions  listed above around them.

It amounts to feeling good about the positive events in one’s life

Any shift in said conditions would effect a downward change in the state of a person’s happiness.

So then what  is true happiness, where does it begin and  what are its roots?

Mike Murdock of The Wisdom Center quotes

” Happiness does not start around you, it begins inside you.Stop waiting for flowers to arrive”.

He gives 4 Essential Ingredients for Happiness:

1.Your relationship with God is a Must: he is your Creator and wants to have regular commune with his creation.

2.Your relationships with Family are Vital.Time spent with your family is never wasted.Wipe out criticism and sarcasm from your home.

Be a confidence builder.

3. Friendships are greater than Gold. Discern those orchestrated by the Holy Spirit and build  them carefully, consistently and wisely.

4. Setting goals is important to achieving your Happiness

Start building on your dreams. Resist those who control and change your personal goals ….Mike Murdock,The Wisdom Center

Get started on a project in your life, especially one that gives you a sense of personal fullfilment and accomplishment.

 

You are the only one there is like you, and your value is priceless.

Moreover you are one with God because God dwells inside you.

Therefore you are to celebrate you each and every day, even when you don’t feel like celebrating, because of the unique quality that you have been given at birth, from your fingerprints,  eye retina, hand print, individual gait, distinctive voice and even breath print.

All these things make you unique and priceless.

 

 

Temporary break up

Lots of relationships rarely follow a seamless path .What you do when a relationship hits a bump in the road has the power to either make commitment happen…or cause the relationship to fall apart.
Knowing how to navigate these bumps is  important to the SURVIVAL of a relationship. 

HOW DO I GET HIM BACK?
Maybe you’re in a relationship that has hit a snag. Or maybe one of you decided to end things. And maybe you’re wondering if it’s possible to save things.
It IS – if you both agree to certain terms. According to Christian Carter: Relationship coach and Author of “Catch Him and Keep Him”

there are “5 Requirements”:
Requirement #1: You must forgive or move past all past wrongs.
This might seem like common sense, but one thing is saying that you forgive, and another is actually LIVING this in the relationship – day to day. If either one of you hold onto resentment and makes the other person feel wrong about what happened – even in subtle ways – the relationship can’t move into deeper levels of intimacy.
Requirement #2: He must be open and honest and listen to what HE did that didn’t work for you. AND you must address that as an ongoing PROCESS in your relationship.
‘Process ‘ here means continuously working on the problem TOGETHER.
Requirement #3: YOU must commit to being open and honest and listening to the things YOU did that didn’t work in the relationship for him…and you must address that as a process in your relationship.
Requirement #4: You must make an agreement for complete honesty from here forward – with no withholding for fear of hurting one another.
Requirement #5: Getting back together in a relationship that wasn’t working HAS to be more about creating a fulfilling life for each other and yourself than it has to be about FIXING the relationship.
When you focus on creating a fulfilling life together – rather than being in “fixing” mode – the relationship becomes healthier.

…Christian Carter ,Dating Reationship Expert.

By following the  requirements,faithfully you are being intentional about moving forward rather than being in  a ‘stuck mode’ which is an unhealthy state for any relationship.

Lynette Laveau Saxe

Certified Success Coach

 

 

Romance in Marriage

What Do women need in a romantic  marriage relationship/

After the wedding, takes place couples continue to have very real needs for intimacy and romance, as they become students of their spouse.

Here are some of the answers gleaned from  a majority of women who answered a survey about what ‘s important  for them to have from their spouses in order for the romantic fires to continue burning brightly  in the marriage:

 They need to feel secure

They  need to feel accepted

They need time to connect with their spouse.

They need  time to get to know each other, this is key in a real relationship.

They need attention and focus

They need to be held without having sex.

They need romance.

Similar questions were asked of the spouses and they gave the following list

of what they needed from their spouses to achieve a similar goal:

They need respect

They  need their spouse to make romance a priority.

They need to feel sexually needed by their wives.The wife  should occasionally initiate love making.

They need their wives to be sexually affirmative and acknowledge when he excels sexually.

They need time and focus from their wives,

They need adventure, surprise ,intrigue, playfulness.

Marriage should be seen not as a sprint but a marathon,

so adjust your expectation, and manage the Killers of  Romantic Fire:

Neglect, Exhaustion, Stress and Children.

Lynette Laveau Saxe

Certified Success Coach

The Laveau Look Coaching Services

Spiritual Relationships

 There are many facets to our being:

Spiritual,Physical, Emotional, and Psychological.They each enable us to connect in different ways to other human beings and to our creator, God. 

Because we are  corporeal as well as Spiritual beings,we are able to have a relationship to God  which should be our first priority.

The other facets allow us to live our purpose here on earth and to carry out our God ordained purpose.

“Everything you believe  to be true about yourself, got you to where you are today”… Wayne Dyer

1.Practice letting go of attachments.

2.Forget about reputation, accumulation, competition. Be independent of the opinions of others.

3 We are valuable beyond our accomplishments.

4. Rid yourself of EGO ( Edging God Out).

3. Surrender and be connected to the Creator.

4. If there is no place that God is not, then it stands to follow that God is    

     also in me as well as  in every person whom I should  meet.

5.  Be intentional about loving God in the people whom we meet.

Lynette Laveau SAxe

Certified Success Coach

Changing Bad Habits

Habits are any practices that we adopt and engage in repeatedly without any conscious thought.

In order to develop good habits , we must intentionally engage  our minds into

adopting rituals and behaviors that contribute to productive and harmonious living with others.

Changing old habits while possible are not always easy.Old patterns we’ve developed become ingrained and so it takes being intentional, with a plan purpose and goals for achieving success to break old habits.

Goal setting is a productive way to motivate ourselves into adopting good habits and avoid slipping into habits that are destructive or counterproductive.

Goals not executed end up being just only a ‘good idea’.

We must be prepared to do ‘one thing’ daily that sets us on the road to achieving our set goal.Things get better when yout ake the first step.

Pledging to do the ‘next right thing’ puts us in the right frame of mind for success.We must act and do the ‘next right one thing’

Make a decision to work with others to find success in achieving your goal for breaking your habit.

Working with an accountability partner, and lots of support is another way to

ensure success  with doing the next right thing.

“Be a goal setter and not a problem watcher. Life is  a series of  doing the next right thing ” .

….Dr Randy Carlson author of “The Power of One Thing- How to intentionally change Your Life”

Be intentional about changing the problem by doing the ‘one next thing’. Take small steps and start today.

Lynette Laveau Saxe

Success Coach

 http://www.ultimatenlp.com/?afl=90637

Self Acceptance

The Value of Self-Acceptance in Relationships.

In our quest for acceptance and validation by others in interpersonal relationships our first  task is to achieve the inner work of  self acceptance. Many people confuse this with Self Esteem.

Self Esteem: When fully realized, self-esteem is manifest through confidence  in our ability to think clearly, and cope with  basic challenges of life without feeling like a failure. It is also evident through  the feelings  of worthiness, ease and ability to assert one’s needs, wants and pursuit of achieving and maintaining one’s values as well as enjoying  and celebrating the fruits of our efforts without any feelings of intimidation.

Self Acceptance : The achievement of Self Esteem is experienced  over time and attained by the practice of Self Acceptance.

We have to be “on our own side’ (an ally) instead of being against( an adversary to) ourselves, if we are to  successfully practice and achieve the self -celebration that bolsters self-esteem.

“This is not to be confused with selfishness or narcissism, which is the over compensation for the basic lack of  self-love. Such a person loves neither himself nor others.”…John Powell

 Behavioral Symptoms which appear in persons who have not learned to love and esteem themselves:

Exaggerating or Bragging                           A Critical Attitude

Rationalization                                                Perfectionism

Shyness                                                               Self-deprecation

Anger                                                                   Defensive Docility

Becoming a Loner                                           Over-Achieving

Masks: Roles,Facades                                    Introjection

Absolute Agreeability                                   Cynicism and Suspicion

Timidity  

Once our  self-esteem is at an acceptably high level, our participation in inter-personal relationships score a high ‘water-mark’ level  and we are able to draw to us individuals who resonate with the positive vibrations that we exude. 

“To trust one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of Self Esteem”…..Nathaniel Branden

Lynette laveau Saxe

Success Coach

www.laveaulookcoaching.com

http://www.ultimatenlp.com/?afl=90637

 

 

Peer/Social Relationships

How and why Bullying exists.

Respect: “A word that is often thrown about very loosely, as much as it is often used very strongly, is a very important concept in life. Everyone desires rspect; however we do not always show it and sometimes we do not receive it”.

……..Niyi Taiwo -Creator of EKTIMIS, Author of “Top Ten Laws of Respect” book series, Speaker.  www.ektimis.com

 Early in life a child recognizes that respect is a powerful tool in the forging and strengthening of bonds in the family , peer groups and the world at large.

 When the foundational skills and principles of  building self respect are absent,  due to toxic environments of abuse, neglect and abandonment,psychological damage to the individual results. This is usually manifest in  behavior called ‘Bullying’  as the individual seeks to gain control by being forceful, demanding and sometimes violent (verbally and physically) as they model and replicate the toxic behaviors they have experienced and witnessed early in life.

The child is seeking self respect and peer respect in a toxic manner.Consequently he or she becomes isolated rather than bonded with peers or family members as they try to deal with the pain of lacking self worth.The child seeks to be empowered through a series of behaviors that go against  successful respect  of self and relationship building with others.

 Twitter Message to Lady Gaga, an ambassador against Bullying.

@Datelinenbc Breeding compassion in the student body is the way toward saving lives, both sides. This message is key. Empower kindness.

Lynette Laveau Saxe

Certified Success Coach

www.LaveauLookCoaching.com

 

Romantic Relationships

Love

‘Love is a many splendored thing’ goes the line of an old song.

‘Love : The ability and willingness to allow those whom you care for, to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistance that they satisfy you”……….Wayne Dyer- Self Help Advocate.Author, Speaker

Love is not a feeling but a commitment. Feelings come and go, peak and fall.

Consistently having ‘feelings of Love’ toward someone  is not the way humans interact and behave”.  People’s feelings wax and wane depending on the actions of others and external  internal circumstances.  So feelings are not to be  trusted or depended upon for sustained love connections. What we feel when we say we are ‘in love’ actually amounts to lust’ and even those feelings are short lived and unsustainable over a period of time. But when one makes a commitment to love someone,  the consistency of our love  is not affected by our feelings, but by our familiarity, trust and  our commitment and willingness to love that person even  during times when they are unlovable.

It is then we say that we have a ‘loving connection’  with someone which is based on a  sustained friendship, trust, acceptance and willingness to be vulnerable to the other  person, despite their shortcomings and imperfections. 

What are the Words for Love?

1. Eros, which is sexual or romantic love.
2. Phileo, which is a brotherly love toward someone we really like.
3. Storgay, which is the love of one’s relatives.
4. Agape, which is the deepest love,  is based on doing good for  another person.

            ‘Agape’  is the highest form of Love.

            It means ‘seeking the highest good for the other person, without 

             seeking any material  reward in return”. This is the love that God has for

             mankind and this model of Love alleviates stress and builds dynamic 

             loving  relationships.

6 Human Needs

Humans unconsciously address 6 human needs  when  engaged in the pursuit of seeking a relationship with a life-mate, (be it temporary or permanent) and these needs are the driving force behind the decisions they ultimately make.  

They are as follows: 

CERTAINTY: The need to feel comfortable and avoid pain, emotionally and psychologically.

VARIETY:  The need for novelty. The ability to change, physical, mental and emotional states.

SIGNIFICANCE: The need to feel special, needed and wanted or worthy of attention.

CONNECTION: The need to find ways to connect to another or self.

GROWTH  AND  CONTRIBUTION: Needs of the spirit.

FACTORS FOR SELECTION:

Factors that people use when selecting  a mate:

Physical Proximity

Chemistry

Comfort of keeping the relationship together.

Commitment factors.

THREE PHASES OF A RELATIONSHIP

PHASE   I – Selfish

Getting own needs met without regard for the other person’s needs.

In this phase the parties are not stakeholders, and are exploring for evidence of the Human needs in the other partner.

PHASE II –  Fair Exchange. 

You let me pursue mine, I let you pursue yours.

During this phase, some levels of trust are beginning to develop and each partner is still operating on an independent level, while observing and collecting data that align with the human needs.

PHASE III –Giving

Giving to each other unconditionally  before  any thought of receiving.

During this phase there is a significant level of trust where the parties are willing to be vulnerable with each other. Their  ‘guards’ are down and each party is willing to share, give and reciprocate in ways that benefit each other, without  keeping count of  costs borne by each individual, who is vested in  having a successful union.

Concepts courtesy of Robbins/Madanes Training Center.